


A Marauder Rhapsody

by RJLupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Queen (Band)
Genre: Bohemian Rhapsody, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Comedy, F/M, Filk, Gen, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Fifth Year, MWPP Era, Marauders, Musicals, Parody, Pensieves, Queen - Freeform, Ridiculous, Singing, Snape's Worst Memory, Song Lyrics, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2014-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-08 01:41:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1921938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJLupin/pseuds/RJLupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snape's Worst Memory... As told in a musical format based on Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"</p><p>I see a greasy haired Slytherin over there<br/>Snivellus! Snivellus!<br/>Would you like to come join us?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Marauder Rhapsody

**Author's Note:**

> This is a filk of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." I wrote this in 2005, and it takes place during Snape's Worst Memory in OotP. It pretty much goes through the chapter straightforwardly... I was listening to this song one day and I just couldn't resist.

SCENE: Harry plunges down into the Pensieve and lands in the Great Hall in the year 1975 where he sees the Marauders, Snape, and other students finishing up their owls.

 **HARRY:**  
Is this the Great Hall  
Back in the seventies?  
Caught in their OWLs  
It's my dad and Snape that I see

 **STUDENTS:**  
Is this thing done?  
'Cause we need some fun quickly...

 **JAMES:** (and Sirius, Remus, and Peter)  
I'm just a Chaser (Oooooh.... Chaser)  
Or maybe a Seeker

 **SIRIUS, REMUS, and PETER:**  
Because he doesn't know  
Where to go  
He flies high  
He flies low

 **JAMES, SIRIUS, REMUS, and PETER:**  
Anyway the thing is  
Just one thing quite matters to me/he

 **JAMES:**  
Lily...

(The Marauders walk out onto the grounds with everyone, and as they sit underneath the beech tree, James begins playing with the snitch, Remus begins reading, and Sirius just stares around looking bored as many passing girls check him out. Peter looks at his friends, and then thinks to himself)

 **PETER:**  
My friends...  
They're all so great  
Like Prongs is so popular  
Because he's a Quidditch star  
Padfoot, he always gets dates  
Moony's brain I will never compensate  
Oh why...  
Ooh...  
Why I'm such a useless guy  
And if I were to die, no one would cry 'cause  
Time goes by, where am I?  
It's like I don't really matter

(Remus, who hasn't really been paying all that much attention to his book and has instead been listening to his friends, peers over his book, and in turn, now thinks to himself)

 **REMUS:**  
My friends...  
I feel at home  
They care and make me laugh  
Our adventures are so fine  
But they're carried off on  
Paths not to roam  
Gotta tell them all that they're so out of line!

(His mouth slightly moves as if he is going to say something, but he closes it and slightly shakes his head)

I can't...  
Ooh... (cause I kind of like it)  
Plus I have this fear  
If I say so, they might go and leave me here

(The musical interlude is filled by some very dramatic and triumphant catchings of the snitch from James, until he suddenly stops and looks over to where fellow student Severus Snape is sitting. He and Sirius go to approach him)

 **JAMES:**  
I see a greasy-haired Slytherin over there

 **SIRIUS:**  
Snivellus!  
Snivellus!  
Would you like to come join us?

 **JAMES and SIRIUS:**  
Curses, spells, and dueling  
Hexes we are fueling now!

(They begin firing spells)

 **JAMES:**  
Hey Snivellus!

 **SIRIUS:**  
Hey Snivellus!

 **JAMES:**  
Ex'pell'armus!

 **SIRIUS:**  
Pet- Totalus!

 **JAMES and SIRIUS:**  
Locomotor Mortis, so  
Get up, Sniv'lly- ee- ee -ee -ee...

 **SNAPE:**  
I'm just a poor boy  
Nobody loves me

 **JAMES and SIRIUS:**  
You're just a weirdo  
That's something we all know  
Too much knowledge of the Dark Arts you show!

(A crowd has now formed around James, Sirius, and Snape, including a cheering Peter, a Remus wearing a disapproving face as he bites back the urge to laugh, and Lily, as she wanders over toward the front)

 **SNAPE:**  
Oh, all right  
Let's not fight  
Will you let me go?

 **JAMES and SIRIUS:**  
Well, let's think:  
No! We will not let you go!

 **LILY:**  
Let him go!

 **REMUS and PETER:**  
So now what?

 **JAMES and SIRIUS:**  
We will not let you free!

 **LILY:**  
Let him be!

 **REMUS and PETER:**  
What a row

 **JAMES and SIRIUS:**  
We will not let him go!

 **LILY:**  
Let him go!

 **JAMES and SIRIUS:**  
Won't let him escape!

 **LILY:**  
Leave off Snape!

 **JAMES:**  
Won't you date my way?

 **REMUS and PETER:**  
Never ever ever ever goes a day......

 **LILY:**  
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

 **JAMES:**  
Oh Lily Evans  
Lily Evans

 **LILY:**  
James Potter  
Do as I said  
The squid's hotter  
Because he does not have your fat head  
Fat head  
Fat head!!!

(Harry is suddenly ripped from the memory by a furious Professor Snape, who begins throwing jars in rhythmic timing at Harry and chasing him around the office.)

 **PROFESSOR SNAPE:**  
So you think you can visit in my private mind?  
So you think you can get out after what you find?  
Nooo, Potter!  
Just get out of here, Potter!  
I never will teach  
You Occlumency again now!

(There are some more jars thrown in rhythmic timing, and this continues until Harry has finally made it out of the office and escapes halfway down the hall, where he stops, leans against the wall, and contemplates what he just saw)

 **HARRY:**  
Now I've seen my father  
That was hard to see  
He was so arrogant  
So how did he marry  
Lily?

(Suddenly, a random unanswered question comes to Harry's mind)

Did he take off Snape's pants...?


End file.
